It always makes me sad to take down the Christmas decorations. My house pukes Christmas – I love it so – so it’s definitely way less cluttered once everything comes down. But also less fun. And not as bright!

I think I feel like a lot of people once the decorations come down – like, what is next to do? Well, my next paid holiday is at the end of MAY, so if I want to take some time off work I’d have to use PTO… and that’s not happening anytime soon. A hiking or camping or biking weekend? Well, not unless I want to last for 20 minutes and then go back home. No, we all know what happens during the next two months: we sit on the couch more, we get tired earlier since it gets dark at what feels like 3pm, and we wait for Spring. Blah. Lucky me, I have plenty of school work to keep me busy. (My eyes are rolling).

The cats are the most disappointed about the decorations coming down. They were staring at me as I was taking away their bed, AKA the tree skirt, like I was crazy. They watched me as I took down the lights around the stairs – no more swatting games for them. I haven’t taken the tree down yet. I think that will hit them the hardest.

Have you de-christmas-ed your house yet? Do you feel like me, or am I crazy? If you haven’t taken your decorations down yet, when do you do it? Some of you probably don’t even celebrate Christmas and may think I’m a noninclusive asshole. But I’m not! I was just about to ask you – when did you take down your Kwanzaa decorations?

I am coming off of a few breaks: 12 days off of work, 3 weeks off of derby, and 3 weeks off of school. During the time when I was off of all 3 at once, I had huge plans – you know, all of these things I was going to do around the house, photography that I was going to work on, books I was going to read, shows and movies I was going to watch. I pretty much didn’t do anything I set out to do, but my staycation was amazing anyhow. I did finish one book. And I got caught up on last season’s Grey’s Anatomy. And I bought a new car! The best things were spending time with some family and friends – and mostly B. We laid around a lot. I would say I had my comfy pants on for about 40% of my vacation. Ain’t no shame. It was glorious I tell you. GLORIOUS.

It snowed a few times while I was off – EXCITING! I love the snow, except to drive in it. It’s become pretty bitter here, so my desire to spend time outdoors has depleted. I am, however, reading a book I got for Christmas, Walking Softly in the Wilderness, and it’s gotten me thinking about the Spring and the Summer and maybe doing this backpacking thing for real. Even though I don’t really do the peeing/pooping in the woods thing, or the bugs thing… but I’m always up for a challenge. Going backpacking is kind of a bucket list thing for me because it’s something I never thought I’d do. I like proving myself wrong.

Speaking of bucket list things, I ran my first ever 5k in December! I wasn’t able to train very much for it due to my knee injury, but I did it anyhow, only stopping for about 3 minutes total to walk. I’m proud of myself for finishing! Even though I hated every second of it. Except when it was over. I’ll stick to roller derby, where I can hit people in the middle of my physical pain.

 

Last year, I told you about a brain tumor I have, that the doctors found after trying to determine the cause of my Bells Palsy. The tumor and the Bells Palsy were completely unrelated; I do feel grateful that I even got Bells Palsy to begin with – otherwise, I would have had no idea about the tumor. I have to have a yearly MRI for a while to make sure that the tumor isn’t growing. I had my appointment with the neurologist yesterday, who gave me great news: the tumor has NOT grown and it is NOT pressing on my optical nerves. I feel so happy. And relieved. Obviously. Hooray!

There is nothing like having a brain tumor to put things into perspective.

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I got injured again during a practice at the beginning of June, to my other knee. The trauma to the knee caused my bursa sac to rupture and blood poured in, then clotted. It’s still swollen a bit, and still very sore. It’s slowly getting better. Emphasis on the slow. (I can’t WAIT to get back on skates and start  hitting the ladies again. It is so theraputic.) To combat my time off of skates, I’ve been attacking the pile of books that I’ve been wanting to read. Anyone have any recommendations?

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We have busy weekends ahead of us. I wish our summers weren’t crammed into such a short period of time. This weekend, my friend from high school is getting married, so we’re headed back to Jersey for that. I love gettin’ fancy every now and then. We’re also trying to plan a weekend trip to Mehoopany for sometime in August or September.  And another camping trip. And another trip to the beach would be awesome. And a weekend at home with not much to do would also be wonderful. Ahh, the possibilities.

Back in March, B asked me what I wanted to do for my upcoming 30th birthday. We talked through some options, and when she offered to rent a house at the beach where I could invite some friends, it was pretty much a no-brainer. I found an awesome house for rent in Chincoteague, VA (hello, wild ponies anyone?) and friends were selected and rent was paid and all that was left to do was wait.

A little over two weeks ago, we set out on our first full week’s vacation away in almost two years. The house was beautiful, large, and right on the bay (with our own dock and hammock). It was the perfect setting for an actual relaxing vacation The day after we arrived was my birthday, and it was a simple and perfect day. B made my requested breakfast of french toast and bacon (don’t judge, it was my birthday!), and off we went to explore the island with my friend L. We picked up some bunker (crab bait) on the way home before having some sandwiches for lunch, then headed out to the dock to set up the crab traps. I taught L how to crab, as she never had before, complete with cutting and tying the dead bunker. B spent most of her time in the house reading while the two of us were crabbing, alternating laying in the hammock, drinking beer and chatting. It was perfection. Around dinnertime we cleaned up and headed in with our day’s catch. We caught 78 crabs (SERIOUSLY) and 10 of them were keepers. My other friend, LH, arrived, and we all got showers and headed out for a seafood dinner to round out the day. It was spent exactly how I had hoped, without any big party or flashiness, but with so much that I loved.

The whole week was my favorite, really. Every day I had wine or cocktails or beer, even if it was 11 in the morning. I read books. I went to the beach. I saw a lot of nature – wild ponies, all kinds of birds, dolphins, and even a bald eagle. We rented scooters for a day and went mini-golfing one night. We went out for ice cream 5 nights of our trip. I spent an hour in the little local bookstore, leaving with many new finds. I saw the sun set almost every night on the bay. I walked the beach in the black of night, lit only by the moon. I spent quality time with a few good friends, and of course, my girl. I slept in. I recharged. It was all so needed. It was my first time ever visiting Chincoteague, and I fell in love with the island. It was so very laid back and chill – not a lot of hustle and bustle – but still, everything I loved about a beach town.

This vacation re-solidified my need for being (and eventually, living) at the edge of the land, where I can smell the bay breezes and hear the seagulls call out. It’s in my blood. And makes me very happy, as you know.

Life continues to keep me equally busy and entertained. Complaining about anything would be whiney and ungrateful of me, and fluffing things up under a veil of semi-perfection would be oversimplifying and not quite true. For the most part, things are good. I have an itch to write, yet time is hard to come by. (As evidenced by the fact that it’s already the second week of July!)

I was very adamant that I didn’t want a relationship; I was too broken, too hurt, too devastated. I was more worried about getting through each day successfully without breaking down – I certainly did not want the burden or responsibility of another soul when I couldn’t even take care of my own. I would take sex, though, and so that was what we agreed upon, was how we began our journey.

Three years later, here we are.

Big step after big step after big step has brought us to this very day. The amount of trust and growth and love and understanding we’ve needed to get here has been tremendous. I could not have imagined this, could not have dreamt this up, sitting across from you in that restaurant, barely touching my food.

There are so many things that I love about you. The way you come up behind me when I least expect it and put your arms around me, nuzzling your face in my neck. The way your brow creases when you worry. The sound of your laughter. The way you wake me up on the weekends. Your dreams. The sound of your boots on the hardwood when you come in through the back door. Your patience with roller derby. Your heart. Your love of gardening. When you tell me stories about your past and your childhood. Your thoughtfulness. When you let me see you cry. The way you hold my hand when we’re out. Your intimacy with me. So much. There is so much more.

I look forward to many more years. This is grown into something so blissfully unexpected; I. Am. Grateful.

Love always,

Blondie xoxo

Ha! xoxo

My team voted me May’s skater of the month. How cool is that? As cheesy as this is gonna sound, it feels like an honor :)

You can check it out here

3 years ago today, I opened up this space so I could share my grief, my heartbreak, my sorrow, and my unbelieveably shattered self with anyone out there who would possibly listen. It was cathartic, and still is, when I’m able to find the time to write.

I have a hard time believing where I sat 3 years ago, and where I’m sitting at now. Why does nothing ever turn out as planned? It is never what we imagined or dreamed, and yet, we are incredibly resilient and flexible as change rears it’s head – day in and day out. I am trying to be kinder to myself in all things, and I try hard to remember that I’ve basically kicked ass during these last 3 years, and I did that (mostly) on my own. No matter what is still difficult right now, I’ve seen – and gone through – worse. And if I had to, I could do it again.

So, thank you all, so very much, for all of your constant and unwavering support. Strangers through the interwebs, and now some of you are my real life friends. I am blessed to have you in my life.

*****

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve started another blog so that I can share my pictures and stories with a lot of real-life family and friends that I’m not comfortable sharing here. It’s not going to be as sexy as this blog, but at least it’s got pictures : ) I’ve only got a few posts up, but I’m working on it. Check it out, will ya? www.fencingtime.wordpress.com

*****

My knee is feeling so much better. I’ve been skating and practicing, complete with full contact, for the last couple of weeks. I’ve missed it so much. My body missed it. I’m working my ass off to make it on the roster for May’s bout. It’s an away bout in Delaware, which is about an hour or less from Philly / Jersey, so I think a lot of my friends and family will be able to come watch me, for the first time. I’m super psyched. I like having concrete goals and working towards them. And hopefully, achieving them. Do any of you guys live near Delaware? If so, you should come out. Hello road trip!

*****

I leave you with this:

“Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you… yet, someone survived… You can do anything you choose to do.” –Maya Angelou

I don’t address this often on here, but, as a lot of bloggers do, I’ve kept this blog private from everyone and anyone that I know in real life. When I started the blog, it began as a place for me to mourn and heal from my past relationship, and then it flowed into a place for me to explore my new relationship, and my identity, and sex, and all of the growth that I was doing.

I wanted to share more on here, but I was always afraid that someone from my real life would find this place and ruin everything. (Believe me, the irony that I am more comfortable exploring a huge part of my life with strangers and not people in my everyday life is not lost on me.)

I’ve started a different blog so that I can share my life with the everyday people in it – especially now that I’ve moved. And I really wanted a place for my photography and to “journal” the everyday and simple parts of life that are quickly passing me by. It doesn’t mean that I’m getting rid of this one – it just means that my focus in here might be a bit different.

So I totally encourage you to check out the new digs… http://www.fencingtime.wordpress.com

I’ve met so many real life friends through this blog… it’s pretty incredible. So thanks for always supporting me, loving me, and reading me <3

I have a level 2/partial tear of my MCL. It happened 4 weeks ago during a derby scrimmage. Total bummer. They say it’ll be 6-8 weeks of recovery, and as it stands now, I cannot imagine this will be healed in two weeks. I’m not allowed to exercise my leg/knee, because it won’t heal if I keep irritating it. So basically, my body HATES me right now. I’m missing some much needed endorphins.

I missed skating in two bouts in February. I’ll probably miss March’s bout. Boo. It’s killing me not to be on my skates and working with my team. Like I actually have been mini-depressed, which I’m pretty sure has a lot to do with having to stop exercising. I’m pretty sure the cats know something’s up too, because Ollie attacked me once last week. They know when you’re the most vulnerable!!!

And also, I really miss hitting bitches. Obviously, this goes without saying.

My co-worker brought in the first Game of Thrones book to work for me to start reading, because she goes on and on about how good it is… has anyone read these series? I’d like to poke myself in the eyes right now, reading the beginning of this bologna. Hopefully I catch on soon, or else I’m scraping it and just going to watch the series on HBO.

I’m just putting this out there – if I ever become wealthy, I’m totally making my new profession “Reading for Pleasure.” As it stands now for us working folks, time for stuff you like to do is hard to come by.

What has everyone been up to? I feel like I’ve been absent for far too long.

I feel like such a cat lady. I miss my doggies, but these cats are pretty awesome. I’m becoming one of those people who tells cat stories at work. Gahh! Make it stop. My cat infatuation might be infiltrating this blog too, as evidenced by this post. I’ll try to keep the cat-talk to a minimum.

Some cat thoughts:

1. Why, when shitting in the liter box, is the shit smashed into the very bottom and/or sides of the box? Why can’t it just be in the actual liter? That’s so much easier to clean. I’m scraping shit off the bottom of that box in at least two corners, daily. I clean twice a day, and can usually find  this shitting tactic in both the morning and evening. Am I the only one? Also, I was trying to hit some kind of record of using the word “shit” in that sentence a whole bunch of times.

2. Why does the canister of air / cleaning duster scare them more than when they get squirted by the water bottle? The water is much cheaper than that canned air. They probably know this and it’s all just apart of their scheme. You know the one.

3. Why do cats sit on your lap purring, being petted by you, in their glory, and then turn on you in 10 seconds? They get dilated eyes and they growl and they ATTACK for no reason! I call this the demonic cat possession. I do not yet know how to perform exorcisms.

4. Why do they insist on cleaning each other when they are on your lap or sitting on the couch above your head? They get so intimate and loud with each other that I feel like I’m invading their privacy. Get a room.

5. Lastly, why do my cats act like dogs? Legitimately, I think they are really dogs. There is 1500 sq ft of living space in this house, and those furballs are up my ass every waking second. (We enacted a “no cat in the bedroom” policy about 6 months ago, and although I do feel sorry for them sometimes, because of their VERY LOUD meowing and crying outside of the door, I love this policy. Does this make me a bad lesbian?)

 

I just want to say that I love the fact that my first post of the new year is about the cats. What a lesbian!

Happy New Year!!!

 

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My header is brought to you by my dear and talented artist-friend, Shane Rocket. You can check out her blog at http://shanerocket.blogspot.com or check out her art and buy something at her etsy shop, www.etsy.com/shop/shanerocket.

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"I love butch girls. Girls with slick, shiny, barbershop haircuts, trimmed so short your fingertips can barely grip it. Girls with shirts that button the other way. Girls that swagger... Girls who get stared at in the ladies' room, girls who shop in the boys department, girls who live every moment looking like they weren't supposed to. Girls with hands that touch me like they have been exploring my body their entire lives... It is the girls that get called sir every day who make me catch my breath, the girls with strong jaws who buckle my knees, the girls who are a different gender who make me want to lay down for them." - Tristan Taormino

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