You are currently browsing the monthly archive for June 2009.
My past weekend was full of good things.
• First time with B sleeping in a tent. Lots of good conversation and time spent with her.
• Going to a party at B’s good friends house and enjoying new company and having people happy to see B so happy.
• Being able to watch Gracie run around and have freedom in lots of open space.
• Seeing six wild animals of the unusual kind: 3 deer, 2 foxes, & 1 peasant. It was the first time I’ve seen foxes, ever.
• Sex. I had my severe period this weekend and didn’t want to be touched much, so I did most of the touching. It was wonderful.
• I spent hours at B’s sister’s house for her brother-in-law’s birthday party. It was the most time I’ve spent with her family (mom, her mom’s boyfriend, her sister, her husband, and her two nephews) since I’ve known her. The nephews were all over me most of the day, which I think is a good sign.
• I took Gracie to both the friend’s bbq and sister’s party and she was so well behaved and cute and wonderful. Everyone loved her and commented on how calm and obedient she was and how well she listened to me. It made my heart soar. I’m such a proud doggie mommy.
• I squeezed in some clothes shopping, which was desperately needed. Lots of work clothes and some regular clothes. I still have a long way to go, but it’s a start.
• Listening to the sound of rain fall on the tent.
• Being taken care of when I didn’t feel well.
• B telling me she loved me.
You did read that last bullet correctly. Those words coming from a person who didn’t fall in love with her ex (who were together 5 years) until 5 months into their relationship. Obviously, those words are not thrown around lightly and I was extremely surprised to hear them. I still don’t think I have it fully processed. I am trying not to think too much, but just enjoy where I’m at and remembering to breathe.
This upcoming weekend should be awesome. I took off work on Thursday to make it a solid four days. Wednesday after work I’ll go home to pick up the diggity dog (I’ll already have the car packed, doing that tonight) and then head to B’s. We are going back to the cabin where we were a few weekends ago, except this time we will be completely by ourselves. She thought of inviting some of her friends up but then decided she just wanted us alone – either was ok with me. We have a very loose agenda – we’d like to get a kayaking trip in, possibly a small stroll and lunch through a cute, tiny neighboring town, jeeping, and then lots of time together, enjoying each other. I hope to lose track of time this weekend and just go with the flow, do things I wouldn’t normally do, and actually relax.
27 is being good to me so far.
Clearly, one of the worst things about being single / living alone is having to fold your king size sheets by yourself. Add into the mix that you aren’t a good folder of laundry to begin with, and it can be a bit ridiculous. Ha. I am starting to go through and clean out things around the house in my spare two minutes, and one of the things that needed to be done was to go through the sheets in the basement. I kept a total of four sets that were ours jointly, although two sets I bought within the last year so they don’t seem as much ours as they can seem mine. The other ones that I had no interest in went into a trash bag for goodwill. Then there were queen and full sheets that we used for camping or guests, and they also went into the goodwill bag. I put the first set that I was keeping in the wash, moved it to the dryer, and put an additional two sets in the washer, dreading in an hour when I would have to begin the folding process. Sometime later that night when I couldn’t put it off any longer, I brought my lovely washed and dried sheets upstairs and slowly began to fold them, using the coffee table and the couch for assistance, trying to fold in nice creases and as neatly as possible.
It took me a while, but I did it. I folded them and stacked them neatly in my newly organized bathroom closet that is full now only of my things. I did it just like I now put the duvet cover on by myself. Just like I bring in all of the groceries by myself, making four, five, six, trips from the car to the kitchen. Just like I now lift and lug heavy things by myself, tasks that take twice as long as they used to without someone else helping. I did it just like I now maintain the whole house by myself, doing whatever needs to be done and getting it ready to be sold at the same time. It’s a pain in the ass, all of it, but it gets done.
I’ve always been independent and always prided myself on being able to take care of myself, but the circumstances have never been like this. I didn’t like folding them by myself, but I did it and I’m proud of myself. It’s the little things.
One set down, two more to go.
I fucking love my friends. Seriously. I have the best friends ever. I had such a great time last night. We ended up going bowling at the most awesomest bowling alley I’ve ever seen. It’s ultra modern and updated and very loungy and just cool. Wednesday nights are ladies nights, which means women bowl 3 games for free (which is plenty). Woohoo for free bowling! Wednesday nights are also $5 martini nights, so Washington Apple was the drink of the night for me. Add good food into that and it was a pretty sweet deal.
Last night was also the first time all of my friends (except one) met B. They were all really looking forward to it after hearing so much about her. Everyone got along wonderfully and everyone seemed to like her. There were lots of yelling and cheering, dancing, hand slapping, ass slapping, heckling, and laughing amongst us. Seriously, there was a point later in the night where I thought I couldn’t hold in the pee one second longer, I was laughing so hard. I’ll have to share some pictures asap.
It was a fantastic birthday with great friends and a great date and great sex. I couldn’t have asked for more.
This weekend I’m headed over to B’s house in PA with the doggie. We’re going to her friend’s 4th of July bbq on Saturday night and Sunday her sister is having a cook out for her husband’s birthday. This will be the second time I’m meeting her sister and her family. B’s two nephews are super cute, and the two year old seemed to really like me last time. After being around me for maybe 5 minutes, he followed me around a bit and then ran to me with his arms out for me to pick him up. Once I did, he laid his head on my shoulder! Isn’t that cute? B was loving that. Aww I love kids. I also really need to hit up a store or two this weekend. I need clothes. The ones I have are just too big. Work clothes and regular clothes. And shoes. Work shoes and regular shoes. I need to find new places to shop. Shake it up a bit.
I pick up my car from the auto body shop today. I missed her. I’m so glad she’ll be looking nice and pretty again. Then my friend is following me over to my mom’s house so I can drop off my dad’s jeep which I borrowed while my car was in the shop. Theeeeen I get to see B again because she has off tomorrow. Either she’ll come to my house or I’ll go to hers and then commute to work tomorrow morning. Obviously we enjoy each other’s company. Crazy stuff, my friends.
27. Twenty seven. Veintisiete. XXVII. Eeeek! I can’t believe it. I keep rolling the numbers over in my head. It feels so weird to say I’m 27. I don’t feel 27! My friends say that we’re now in our late 20’s. Hmm. I don’t know about that. Can’t we stretch it to be mid 20’s still? Ha.
My birthday outfit is cute today – a black skirt with white pinstripes, a short sleeved white button-up blouse, heels, and matching undergarments. There is something about wearing a skirt with a pair of thongs that is just hot … especially at work. Yay for good birthday outfits!
B was the first person who called me this morning. She sweetly sang me the whole happy birthday song – inserting the many nicknames she has for me in the name part (Jenny, Blondie, Jersey, Hottie). It was really fucking cute and a wonderful start to the day.
I dropped my car off at the auto body shop last night and forgot to take out my gym badge which I need to swipe to get into the gym, so I couldn’t go work out this morning. Instead, I decided to clean out the bathroom closet, which has been on my to-do list for the past few weeks. I want to begin the process of going through things – keeping the essentials and throwing out things I don’t use or I’ll never use. That way when I go to pack, whenever it is that I’ll move out, I know everything that’s left is coming with me. So at 5:45 this morning, that’s what I did. I had 3 trash bags full of things when all was said and done. I have to do a little better organizing, but I’m happy with it. Not the most glorious thing to do on a birthday morning, but I feel accomplished and de-cluttered.
The work day is dragging by, as it often does when you are looking forward to doing something afterwards. B is getting done work at 2pm so she can head down here to see me, which is really really nice of her because it’s a bitch of a drive, especially in rush hour, especially when it’s only a few hours that we will get to hang out. I appreciate it though and am looking forward to her meeting some friends of mine. We’re going out for dinner and drinks but honestly, I don’t care what we do… spending the day and celebrating with my people is enough for me. Then I get to have hot, hot, hot birthday sex. Perfect.
Thanks to all of you wonderful people for your birthday wishes. I didn’t expect to meet such amazing people via the blog world, didn’t expect to become such good friends with you, and certainly didn’t expect you to become such a big part of my life. You have seriously helped get me through some of the most trying weeks of my little life, and still continue to be true friends, as best as you can via the online world. I’m grateful for you all.
Last weekend B and I headed out late for a late dinner and a late drive in her jeep. On the way home we took a detour, but I just thought it was for a longer, slower drive the winding country roads. We weren’t far from her house when she made a quick right off of the road onto a grass field, accelerating up until it leveled off, keeping the jeep tight to the left hand side next to the woods because on the right were some sort of crops that were growing. She took me to this land that her mom owns so I could see the stars, so I could see a sky unblemished by lights and pollution, just the two of us.
We stood there for a long time, her standing behind me with her hands around my waist, me looking up at the sky, content. She showed me the big dipper and the little dipper, and I mentioned how cool it would be to see a shooting star, which I have seen as a teenager, but not in a long time. I kept my eyes to the sky just in case, but soon we were too busy kissing, her cock that she packed grinding up against me, to notice much of anything.
Once I mentioned that I wanted to have sex out here under the stars and she agreed, she went to the jeep to get out the blanket, laying it carefully in the grass, making sure it was in a spot I was comfortable with. I giggled as we undressed each other, and I pulled her on top of me because I was chilly and after long kisses I begged her to enter me, and even with no lube she was easily able (always, I’m always this wet for her). She covered me with her body and her kisses and I looked up at the sky and the stars while we fucked at midnight, and really, what an amazing combination, sex under the clear blanket sky like that.
After some time I requested we head into the jeep, to the backseat, because yea, I’m that kinda girl, and of course she said yes. Limbs tangled, smiling eyes and laughter until we got ourselves situated, laughing until I finally sat on her lap and then moans, deep-throated moans until I came, rocking the jeep, gasping, shaking, the only girl she’s ever had sex with in her beloved vehicle, and I kind of like that.
Even though it’s chilly out we are sweaty and reluctantly get dressed and head back to her house and I tell her I can’t wait to do this again.
This weekend we are camping at a 40 acre field near her house that her friend owns and I’m hoping, really hoping, we will have a clear night.
We sign the contract to put the house up for sale today. 4 years and 9 months after we purchased it. 3 years and 5 months after we became legal domestic partners. 11 months after we got engaged. Almost 3 months after she left me. The last day of my 26th year.
I am sad today, but I am also relieved. We have been disentangling our lives, bit by bit, and most of it has not been easy for me. It’s hard to understand how it could be easy for anyone, after so long together, after such a life together. This is the biggest thing, the most complicated thing we have together, and today begins the process of disassembly. I am sad to leave my very first home – the memories and wonderful times and the family we were there will always be a part of me. I remember when we saw the house for the first time and when we decided to put in an offer and the giddiness at settlement and finally walking in to OUR home– the happiness, the joy, the love, the feelings of hope, your whole lives stretched before you, every goal and wish and dream right there at your fingertips. But that woman who sat next to me at the settlement table, who pushed me against the wall to kiss me for the first time in our brand new empty house, is no more. That is what I have to remember most of all, because that is why I’m writing this today. I am relieved to cut off this last big connecting thing so that the healing process can continue and so that I can move on, and move forward, happily.
The last day of my 26th year today, I will continue to transition and evolve, no matter how much it hurts.
Tomorrow I’ll celebrate the first day of my 27th year – a year full of possibilities and amazingly, hope.
Things have been a bit of a battle with EJ concerning the house. I can’t wait until it’s done and over with. As much as I love my house and wish I could afford to keep it myself, I can’t, and it’s just a cause of frustration and issues. We meet with the realtor on Tuesday to sign the contract for sale. It’s sometimes still hard to believe. All of this. Amazing how one little ripple in the current changes everything.
B is a landscaper, so because of the rain she was done work early on Wednesday and came to my house, which was so nice and a welcome surprise. She ended up staying Thursday as well because it was still downpouring. So she hung out at my house all day while I was at work, catching up on her reading, taking a nap, playing with my dog, running my dishwasher, sweeping, vacuuming, and mopping my downstairs (yes!), and relaxing. It was pretty cool to be able to see her during the week. She left early this morning to go back home and to work, but she’ll be back later tonight for my birthday celebration weekend in Jersey. It’s a large chunk of time that we’re spending together this week, so I’ll be interested to see how it plays out.
I started emailing with two other women this week and both have said I sparked their interest, but I’m conflicted on what I should do / what I want to do. B is well aware of the emails, and she will be well aware if a date ever comes of it, which it really might. I’ve been nothing but honest, and I don’t want to hurt her, but I also feel I owe it to myself to go on at least a few dates with other women. I don’t want to go from 5 and a half years with EJ to something exclusive with the very next person, even if things are pretty great between us. I just want to make sure everything I’m doing and feeling is in my best interest, not someone else’s. I wish I knew how long it will take me to figure out who is the next best person for me. Is it B? How do I know? I don’t really get too many butterflies with B and my stomach doesn’t do flip flops like it did when EJ and I first started dating. (Key there is that was me and someone else). But does that mean because it happened when EJ and I started, it should happen every time? And I’m not sure if I’m not getting a lot of butterflies and flip flops because of how guarded I am right now. I’ve been severely damaged, and how am I supposed to know if these are effects of that or if it’s actually because this particular person isn’t the right person? I think the only way I’m really going to know is a) Time and b) Dating other women. Which was the plan all along (to date women – as in multiple) but I of course didn’t expect to like someone so much right away. I feel grateful at least that B, although would like it to be more serious than it is, is completely understanding and aware of where I am at with this whole process. It’s a lot to wrap my head around.
At least I get to drink tonight, and drink for free since I’m the birthday girl. Yipee.