I missed skating in two bouts in February. I’ll probably miss March’s bout. Boo. It’s killing me not to be on my skates and working with my team. Like I actually have been mini-depressed, which I’m pretty sure has a lot to do with having to stop exercising. I’m pretty sure the cats know something’s up too, because Ollie attacked me once last week. They know when you’re the most vulnerable!!!

And also, I really miss hitting bitches. Obviously, this goes without saying.

My co-worker brought in the first Game of Thrones book to work for me to start reading, because she goes on and on about how good it is… has anyone read these series? I’d like to poke myself in the eyes right now, reading the beginning of this bologna. Hopefully I catch on soon, or else I’m scraping it and just going to watch the series on HBO.

I’m just putting this out there – if I ever become wealthy, I’m totally making my new profession “Reading for Pleasure.” As it stands now for us working folks, time for stuff you like to do is hard to come by.

What has everyone been up to? I feel like I’ve been absent for far too long.

Some cat thoughts:

1. Why, when shitting in the liter box, is the shit smashed into the very bottom and/or sides of the box? Why can’t it just be in the actual liter? That’s so much easier to clean. I’m scraping shit off the bottom of that box in at least two corners, daily. I clean twice a day, and can usually find  this shitting tactic in both the morning and evening. Am I the only one? Also, I was trying to hit some kind of record of using the word “shit” in that sentence a whole bunch of times.

2. Why does the canister of air / cleaning duster scare them more than when they get squirted by the water bottle? The water is much cheaper than that canned air. They probably know this and it’s all just apart of their scheme. You know the one.

3. Why do cats sit on your lap purring, being petted by you, in their glory, and then turn on you in 10 seconds? They get dilated eyes and they growl and they ATTACK for no reason! I call this the demonic cat possession. I do not yet know how to perform exorcisms.

4. Why do they insist on cleaning each other when they are on your lap or sitting on the couch above your head? They get so intimate and loud with each other that I feel like I’m invading their privacy. Get a room.

5. Lastly, why do my cats act like dogs? Legitimately, I think they are really dogs. There is 1500 sq ft of living space in this house, and those furballs are up my ass every waking second. (We enacted a “no cat in the bedroom” policy about 6 months ago, and although I do feel sorry for them sometimes, because of their VERY LOUD meowing and crying outside of the door, I love this policy. Does this make me a bad lesbian?)

I just want to say that I love the fact that my first post of the new year is about the cats. What a lesbian!

Happy New Year!!!

Photo courtesy of my friend, JH

That’s me on the right, preparing to lay that jammer out in my 2nd (EVER) bout of my life on Sunday.

I’m actually grateful of her schedule, especially since she’s a new driver. She drives regionally which means she’s gone one to two nights at a time, then back home. This is actually better for us than a daily shift, where her days would be extremely long and we wouldn’t see each other anyway and she wouldn’t get paid as much because her mileage is shorter. It’s also better than over-the-road driving, which would put her gone for a week or more at a time. With this schedule we still don’t see each other much during the week, even though she’s slept in our bed twice since Monday. For example: she was gone early Monday and didn’t get home until 10:30pm on Tuesday. I was at practice and didn’t get home until 11:45pm and she was already sleeping. I left before her on Wednesday morning and she had about a 10 hour total drive on Wednesday, so she didn’t get home until 12:10 am on Thursday morning / Wednesday night. I left for work Thursday morning while she was still sleeping, and then she’ll leave for an overnight trip and get home around 10pm on Friday. So I try to be grateful that I even get to feel her body at all. Trying to maintain this positive frame of mind whenever I’m feeling sad or overwhelmed really curbs any negativity that starts to creep in.

Overall, I’m surprised at the amount of work that has to be done around the house that really falls to me during the week. It just didn’t seem that much when there was two of us, but now I’m super aware of all of the tasks I complete in a day’s time.

There’s the daily chores: Oh, dinner has to be cooked. And before that the dishes from last night have to be put away. And I’m left with the cleanup of the dinner dishes, even though I’m the one that cooked. And the cats have to be fed and the litter box cleaned, both twice a day. The floor needs to be vacuumed. Sort through the mail and shred or put aside for later or pay a bill. Pack lunch for the next day.

Then there’s the every-so-often chores or things that need to be done: Take the trash out. Take the recyclables out. Bring trash and recyclable cans back in. Pick xyz up from the store. Clean up the cat’s hairballs. Wash clothes. Return this to the store. Get gas. Fix this. Take the air conditioners out of the windows. Take the air conditioners to the attic. Wash the bed sheets. Decorate. Call the repair guy. Go to derby practice. Start searching for and purchase the chest for B’s clothes so that she can finally have her shit in the master bedroom. Clean the bathroom. Put plastic over the windows for the looming, freezing winter season. Wash the sheets. Buy birthday card. Make birthday present. After you mess it up, make it again. File your paperwork. Put away things that have been lying around. Check your email. Wash your stinky derby pads. Purchase the rugs for the hallway that you’ve been putting off for the last year. Dust the ceiling fans. For God’s sake, dust the ceiling fans!

And this is just scratching the surface. It doesn’t even include the other things of the day that take up time (getting a shower, getting dressed, commuting to work, working, commuting home from work, and eating). All of these things take up too much time!!!!! I’m grateful that there are no kids in the house yet, as it’s hard enough trying to just get shit done on my own.

It’s an interesting adventure, this new phase of life. I’m trying to maintain a positive, grateful attitude about everything concerning it, even though I can see how it can get tiring real fast : ) It’s awesome that B has a job, and a good one at that! She loves the company she works for; they really seem to treat their employees right. I get to have a good amount of “me” time, which usually consists of derby, working on my photography, reading, or watching a show I DVR’d, almost all of which B has no desire in watching, so that works out nicely. And being a part also makes us appreciate the time we do have together. So really, it could be worse. It’s all about perspective.

I’m proud of her

Fancy

Rocky Gap State Park, Maryland

Fall is my favorite time of year, without a doubt. It is filled with things I love: crisp weather, pumpkin-flavored anything, warm drinks, sweatshirts, knitted hats, fires, corn mazes, pick-your-own apples and pumpkins, brilliant colors against vibrant blue skies, and those last ditch efforts of outside activity to enjoy the last bits of nice weather. 

B, her sister, and her nephews at a pumpkin patch / corn maze extravaganza

October is also a bit sad for me, as I torture myself with the remembrance of Gracie’s death, and try so very hard instead to remember her life. I wrote as much as I could in the past about Gracie’s death, but I could only bring myself to read this one right now. Gracie’s ashes, collar, and one of my favorite pictures of her sits in china cabinet in my dining room. This cabinet, and the buffet that goes along with it that is also in my dining room, belongs to my great-great grandmom, so it was built in the late 1800’s. This may seem far off but her daughter, my great-grandmom, is still alive, so I feel very close to these wooden pieces of furniture. I can picture the life that lived around them, and I spent many hours in the home that they lived in. I like having Gracie’s ashes there. They are not in my face daily, but I know they are there. It just all feels so very right.   

My nephew SG (my best friend's son) at the pumpkin patch

B graduated school around the middle of August, then applied for a job at her top choice company a week later, and then a few days later began the interview process, which was long. She was hired (hooray!) and by the 12^th of September she started her training – which (un)fortunately for her, was mostly trips to D.C. and Baltimore – hellish for a truck driver, obviously, but great training nonetheless. Practicing in places like that means she should be able to handle almost anything. The most negative part of her training is that because there are only male trainers, she wasn’t allowed to do any overnight trips (company policy), and her job will be mostly all overnight trips. So, she wasn’t happy about that, but there’s not much she could do. Last week they released her from training with confidence, and she went on her first overnight trip AND her first run by herself to INDIANA. Which really seems so far away. The country pretty much falls off the map for me after Ohio, and starts back up again around Utah, so I had to get online to see where Indiana sits in relation to Maryland. What? I’m not embarrassed to admit it! We all know the east coast is the best coast so that’s all I try to worry my head with : ) Anyway, it was a straightforward run and she did great and all is well. She has more runs out that way this week. I’m excited for her and proud of her. She’s awesome.

I could never drive one of these things, but I sure do look cute in 'em!

Roller derby has been occupying most of my free time. It’s been quite a labor of love. It is some of the hardest exercise and skill building I’ve ever had to do. Learning how to do things on skates that I haven’t even done off-skates has been quite challenging. But I show up, every practice, and work. It’s been three months and me and another fresh meat skater are scheduled to take our minimum skills test on Thursday the 27^th. I am so nervous about it that I feel nauseous, DAILY. No kidding. I know I’ll be fine… really, I will. They wouldn’t have scheduled us to take it if they weren’t confident in us, and I know that. Still, it doesn’t make it any less nerve-wracking. I’ve also settled on a derby name, which is quite a big deal, especially considering there’s a roster of over 10,000 names and you can’t take another skaters name or have a similar name. I won’t announce my name until things are official (I pass my test and get it registered with no problems)

Some of my teammates and I at an all-girl's after school program <3 Here I'm demonstrating single knee falls

So, have you noticed the “Gracie Mac Photography” watermarks on the pics? I changed my photography website from Studio 24 Photography to Gracie Mac Photography. I wanted a change, and as you know, Gracie Mac is a more personal name for me. You can check out the new look on my website, www.graciemacphotography.com

On a wagon ride. Somebody's tired.

Ok, I totally did! My friend’s sister found him under her car and I couldn’t resist. Even B, who does not want another pet, loves him.

Isn’t he just the CUTEST? He is SO TINY.

We’ve been throwing around all kinds of names for him. He came with the name Neville, which we love, but aren’t sure it’s the right fit.

We both like the name Remy, so we think that might be it. I suggested the middle name Roller. Remy Roller.

And things with his brother seem to be going well. Ollie plays with him sometimes, but mostly stares at him with puzzlement.

He’s the cuddliest thing, and so very tiny and cute. Who couldn’t love that face, huh? You tell me!

About four months after we moved here, B met a friend who was in a roller derby league about an hour away, so I began doing my research. Surprisingly, I discovered a league in my own town! After much procrastination, excuses, and fear, I decided to just show up to a practice at the beginning of July. A week later I went to my first practice with skates on, and I’ve fallen deeply in love since.

I cannot possibly begin to explain to you the athleticism, endurance, strength, and skill involved in such a sport. Most of the muscles that began to ache after the second practice hadn’t been exercised in years; nothing I was doing at the gym even compared to this kind of activity. And never mind that I don’t know how to skate. That the last time I was on quad skates was when I was about 10, and even then, I never knew how to crossover or stop, let alone skate backwards or jump over something. I knew nothing. And I still don’t, not really, but when I really sit back and think to my first few practices, there is obvious improvement. Right now, that’s where I’m at: trying to improve my skating skills every week.

The commitment to join this adventure is hefty; there are at least three practices a week, and that doesn’t include any extra derby stuff like bouts, fundraisers, after-parties, socializing, or other random events.  It has been interesting balancing this new derby life and my life with B, as well as life with non-derby friends. It has not always been easy. I’ve been trying to be conscious of making time for my lover, and showing her how important she is to me without compromising what I want to do and what makes me happy. Especially during this beginning stage of me trying to learn and soak up every available opportunity to skate and be mentored. It’s incredibly time-consuming, but so rewarding!

Only recently have I begun doing some very light hitting drills – my general skating skills are really not in the right place for me to be doing that quite yet, but I’m getting exposure, and it IS SO MUCH FUN. The satisfaction of landing a solid hit on another woman who is happy to receive it, a move that is completely legal, is exhilarating. I know I have such a long way to go, but even the promise of possibly getting to a point in my derby career where I would actually be able to bout and do this is so exciting.

Until then, I’ll keep perfecting my falls and trying to graduate from my baby crossovers. Everybody’s gotta start somewhere, right?

My health has come a long way, I’m happy to report. I’m even letting some people take a few pictures of me nowadays, with my face/smile/eye almost back to “normal.” Most people can’t even tell it was half paralyzed anymore; for this, I am grateful. My pain has mostly gone completely away. This is excellent news, and I don’t take it for granted.

The summer has brought other things as well, all good things. Like roller derby. B’s graduation from school. Weekends spent hosting our friends. Grilling. Watermelon and corn on the cob. Day trips and weekend trips. Meeting new people. Delicious, run-down-your-chin-juicy peaches. Outdoor projects. Fresh tomatoes from the tomato plant out back. Long days. Cool sheets. Seeing friends from home. Lightning bugs. Sweet, sweet summer.

I’m savoring the last few weeks as best as I can. School has started, and I’m also busy with practice, and with normal everyday life things. But the days are fulfilling.

I hope all of you are having wonderful summers as well!

As I begin the final year of my 20′s, I love looking back at the awesomeness that has been my journey so far (even the hard parts), but I’ll mostly just try to be present. I want to love every minute of this wonderful time in my life and be grateful for all that I have.

Cheers!!!

So if all goes right, I’ll be a school girl again on August 8th. Incredible!!!